There are moments when I look over my life and see bills due, projects needing started (or finished) clothes that need bought, sewn or mended, appointments to be made or attended, school to be taught, tasks to accomplish, things to tick off. The list is endless and terribly overwhelming. I don’t see it letting up anytime soon (heck, I’m pretty sure I’m going to be going until the day I die, I just pray that I am very old and have many great great grandchildren by then!). When I get caught up in the chaos and insanity, with no hope for a break or a vacation, I often want to sit down and cry. Overwhelmed by the big picture, the everything, I forget about the little things that make up each day. The little seconds here and there that, put together, bring the entire “big picture” into better focus.
Instead of looking outside and seeing a house in need of repair, I need to look within the walls and see a home full of love, and strength, and joy, (and sometimes pain), sorrow and rejoicing, worry and stress, and prayer and thanksgiving. I need to see beyond the baby who won’t sleep to the 7 year old who can’t bear to hear his brother fussing and goes in to him, patting him on the back and quietly singing a lullaby to soothe him to sleep. I need to see the 13 year old who happily plays cars with the 3 year old so he can feel “big”. I need to see the triumph of an alphabet remembered, or math facts mastered. Children and parents celebrating each other in things little and big. Loving and forgiving each and every day.
While the yard is overwhelming and we need new tires or the carpet needs cleaning or the blinds dusted, the children are growing and memories are being made. Dad wrestles on the floor with the boys, I fan girl with the girls about Iron Man (Seriously, Ummmm, yeah. He was a hottie when I was 13! Nothing has changed!). We go about our days living in these walls, in this life. The things, the overwhelming college tuition, senior year planning, activity list keeping will always, always continue. I will be busy until the end of my days. And, that busy-ness is not something I can take a vacation from, there are noses to wipe, heads to kiss and stresses to calm, always. Every. Single. Day. The key is to remember that is the stuff of days. That is what really living is all about. The other? The upkeep of a house, bills, cars, lives, all of that happens, always and no matter what. It falls into place and it gets finished, but it is not what the “big picture” is really composed of. If I were to look closely I would see those things, but they would be dotted about a page absolutely overwhelmed with the trappings of life. The noise and mess that encompasses what being our family looks like. The scrawled notes of love and encouragement from parent to child, the “atta boys” to siblings, the gratitude journal, spread out on the school room table, pages numbered and decorated with drawings of butterflies and bird, our home, skateboards and rain, pencils strewn around it because there was no time to put it away before being rushed through bath time and bed.
I know that God wants us to see things through His eyes, not the world’s, and yet, every once in a while the world slips in and God has to send these precious saints in training to straighten out my vision again.