hodge podge

It’s been a bit since I posted, lots going on!  Trying to figure out what to blog about, soccer tournament?  School?  Motherhood?

First, I am asking for prayers for Amy.  She’s pregnant with her first little one and is now past her due date.  We all know that due dates are arbitrary, but we also all know how emotionally and physically attached we get to them!!  Add to that the fact that her husband is out of town on business regularly and you can imagine how desperately she wants the little one to come.  This week.  Tonight would be good.  (He’s home right now)  So if you an extra couple of minutes she would love for you to give a shout out to her little one’s guardian angel and ask him to let her know the eviction notice has been posted.

On another note, my wonderful, dear and incredible husband has officially graduated from college!!!!!!! With TWO associates degrees!!!!  It took six long years, but he did it and I couldn’t be more proud of him.  He doesn’t want a big fuss.  No announcements or anything (yep, I was a wee bit bummed about that one, but it’s not about me.  It’s him.  It really is.  I promise….)  It’s such an awesome thing for him to say that he’s a college graduate!!  Neither his parents nor his grandparents attended college.  He is the first! 

I have deeper, more detailed posts I’d like to make, but I’ve not eaten enough calories today (do you know how WEIRD that sounds to me???????  Seriously.) and I have to go eat something!

Peace

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no more

I am worn out, but in a good way!  I started with a personal trainer a two weeks ago.  It’s been an amazing experience already.  I’m still not eating exactly what I should and I often forget to enter it into my log book, but I am so much  more conscious of what’s going in! 

The workouts have been intense, but I trust her to know what my body can take and to push me to that point and make me want to push even further.  Funny thing is, the more I am pushed the stronger I realize I am.  Not that I thought I was weak really, but I think I lost the confidence I had in myself.  She’s really making me realize what I am capable of and I am loving it!! 

I don’t know for sure what the breaking point was for me, the “a ha” moment.  I’ve been fat and had kids (not a pleasant experience I’ll have you know) so I’m not sure that was a motivating factor.  I’ve been painfully out of shape and just accepted that I would be the “fat friend”.    I would listen to my friends talk about other fat people and just quietly nod, all the while screaming inside that being fat doesn’t make anyone a bad mom, a crappy wife, a stupid person, or anything else.  Listening to excuses for bad behavior listed as “well, they probably just don’t like fat people” hurt more than I can express, even when I wasn’t in the subject line.  Sometimes you sit and endure someone yipping about how easy it is to loose weight, just eat less.  It’s that simple.  Exercise.  No big deal.  Come on, you’re just lazy.  Always you know, even in friendly circumstances, that you are being judged by your weight.  Your children are being judged. 

I don’t know what finally broke. 

I don’t know what made me decide enough is enough.  I have too terrified of the gym, not knowing what to expect or what to do, to just jump in with both feet on that count (but hey, just exercise, right??)  I know there are countless diets out there, I could have just done one, but I did.  Repeatedly.  Life is not quiet and the diet would always crumble.  I would sit in tears every Tuesday night, watching Biggest Loser.  I would weep in understanding about where they are and how they got there.  Then, as the show progressed, I would weep in jealous agony over the fact that they were able to get help and overcome what is such a paralyzing situation.  

Finally the tears have turned.  I am no longer jealous.  I am working with someone who wants me to be healthy as much as I do and who is not making it so simple that I feel the fool for not “getting” it before now.  

I am tired.  I am sore.  I am even a small bit hungry.  BUT oh does it feel good.  My muscles are moving in ways they haven’t moved for years.  I am sleeping better than I have in forever.  I am still struggling.  I didn’t get fat because I understood portion control.   It’s hard for me to get to work out.  It’s very difficult to get the whole calorie thing, so many things that seem so little add up so quickly, but I’m learning and getting better.  Every day is better.  My appetite is changing.  I am changing.

I will not be the fat friend anymore.

soccer woes

Know what’s frustrating?? 

Signing your boys up for two specific teams because they practice at a church IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, both of them, at different levels, different teams, SAME TIME!!!  Talk about crazy convenient.  Which is important because when you have six children, four of which play sports or do something outside of sitting in front of a computer screen or television, you tend to get pulled in very, very different directions, opposite ends of town kind of different directions.  Did I mention that a trusted neighbor was the coach of one of said teams?  Yeah.  It’s a perfect scenario.

One boy happens to be the younger brother, shuffled around from this activity to the next, none of them his.  A younger brother with special needs, no less, so his parents waited until he was SIX before they signed him up for any kind of sport anything.  A younger brother who was and is so excited that he gets to finally do something that’s his, and not shared.  A younger brother whose parents have seen great strides made in confidence and control since signing up, even though he’s FAR from the best child on the team.  This brother looks forward to games and practices with such incredible anticipation, eagerly putting on gear and fixing water bottles and nearly leaping down the street toward his practice.

It’s that brother’s team that decides, when the coach is sick and can’t make it to practice one night (he also has a boy on each of the aforementioned teams), that they should have practice anyway.  But, lets not have it at the same place cause it’s just not as convenient for them (one child playing sports, one child.) lets have it clear across town.  And you know what else would be a good idea??????  Lets decide to make this the permanent practice spot without talking to the coach or any other parent that may not have made it to that practice because it didn’t work for them to drive that far.

Great.

 

Thanks.

 

Tomorrow night, when we are struggling, having to get older brother to practice, where it usually is, get older sister across town to a scrimmage and somehow Scouts at some point, we’ll be trying to get someone we know (anyone) to stay with older brother so we can get younger brother ACROSS town to his practice.  OR he just misses it. 

 

Thanks.

thrilled that you made that decision for our family.