I have so many blog posts swirling around in my head, but once I sit down to write them all out they fly away, never to be seen again.
Such is life with many children, I believe.
Lent is here and once again this year I am seeing what so many other people are doing and feeling so underwhelmed with my ability to keep up with the season. I’m not even giving up anything all that meaningful. Pop. Seriously. Although it is seriously an addiction for me, so I guess it’s something.
But we’re not doing the cool calendars, we’re not doing the “color in the footsteps” worksheets. Heck, I can’t even find my laminated Stations of the Cross to hang up around the house. I’m feeling, well, a bit dry. I AM going to do some spiritual reading, no matter what. I started a bit today, reading a couple of books from Mother Teresa. I hope to move on to Prayer Primer sometime this weekend. It’s a book I’m rather looking forward to reading.
I’ve always had a difficult time with prayer. If I’m not speaking out loud I feel like I’m not praying, but I hate to pray around other people, outside of Mass of course. (weird self conscious stuff right there!!) If I pray “spontaneously” I feel like it’s not good enough but if I just read prayers, am I still praying? What if I’m reading in my head? What changes it from mere reading, into a prayer?
I don’t think I’ve always struggled with these things, maybe the all encompassing job that motherhood is has so consumed me that anything outside of that task is made more complicated by my mommy brain (think about the fact that I am constantly explaining to my 3 year old “why”. Dang it. I sound just like him!!).
So, I’m hoping to salvage what I can out of this year. Maybe we’ll just print up some Stations and hang those up. Maybe we’ll start some seeds growing tomorrow, it’s a wee bit late, but not terrible. Maybe we won’t get lost in the preparations of Easter weekend, and instead focus on our spiritual preparations.
Please God, help me to guide my children to understand Your Passion better. Please guide me as well. Help me to be pliable to Your Will.