Courage, again?

I had an entire, long post about my weekend. About my struggles with family and my son’s SPD. About judgments and ignorance and hurt.

I just can’t post it.

I can’t.

it was a hard weekend made harder by others ignorant comments. Comments I shouldn’t have let get to me, but they did. Comments by people I rarely see, and whose company I don’t really enjoy, on a good day.

I was in confession a couple of years ago and was speaking to the priest about my son, about my struggles with him and being his mother. He gave me the most sage advice I’ve ever had, before or since.
He told me to pray, not for just anything, oh no.
He told me to pray for courage.
That there would be times that I would have to face things as his mother that would be difficult and I needed to pray for the Courage to face what I had to face for my son, so I could be the mother I needed to be for him.

Thank you Father. You have no idea.
Because when faced with people’s painful ignorance it’s quite difficult to keep from becoming paralyzed, but for the Courage and confidence that can only come from Christ. It’s difficult to keep from lashing out in anger and defense. It’s difficult to keep the face of Christ in my heart and on their face.

Thank you God for the Courage to be my son’s mother.

Thank you for the gift of Grace that you so freely give.

Help me to be as free and as generous.

another weekend, another party

So, since January 24 I’ve had an event every weekend! This past weekend we celebrated #4’s SIXTH birthday!!!!! We are so happy to be able to celebrate such a beautiful little boy. Not that many years ago the challenges he brought to the family were so overwhelming they seemed insurmountable. I didn’t know how I could be his mother and I wasn’t confident I could do it well.

He’s turned into such a beautiful little man. He has such a golden heart and is full of such intensity and strength that it’s nearly overwhelming. He loves with all he’s got. He’s so incredibly honest and he strives for all that is good. He will be an incredible, Godly man someday.

He loved his birthday, we all had a ball. Instead of “hot potato” we played “hot Grevious” to the tunes from Star Wars, more specifically, the music from the Cantina scene. It worked quite well. There were “clone” masks and Yoda balloons and little boys everywhere (or so it seemed, there were really only about 7 of them, but with little boys that’s a room full!!) He got beloved legos, and a jacket that had (HUGE surprise here) Star Wars on it. He also got this beautiful book by Max Lucado. It made mama weep. He IS my special boy.

It was a beautiful day of celebrating a precious little boy!

babies are growing

I am up, WAY earlier than what is “normal” for me. Probably by the grace of God, as I’ve got a lot of work to do today!

My littlest one turned a year old this week. We’ll be having a small party today! Nothing like a baby flinging cake to the ceiling to celebrate!

It’s amazing, watching your baby grow and change before your eyes. I’ve found myself enjoying, savoring, each individual stage, instead of the normal encouragement to move to the next that I did with number one. I’ve long since learned that each stage comes, in it’s time, no matter what I do. It’s time to enjoy the baby this time. Soak in his baby-ness. His smells. His sounds.

I’ve done that. I even enjoyed his pregnancy (as much as I could. I’m not crazy, and it’s not comfortable!) and still it’s shocking that he’s already a year old. He’s almost walking. He’s nearly talking (I swear he said a baby equilivent to his brother’s name the other morning. He was in bed with me and big brother came by the door. He saw big brother, and was a bit disappointed when big bro walked away. He called out in a single syllable version of the name sevearl times until big bro reappeared and took him to play.) I think he will even say the beautiful “ta too” that translates to a heartfelt “thank you”. Since his surgery he’s gaining weight beautifully. AND to top it all off he’s getting his first haircut today. He needs it, desperately, but I’m not ready for what I know will be the results. My “baby” will be transformed into a little toddler today, in front of my eyes.

It’s ok. It’s all a part of our cycle of life. We have babies and they grow. It’s as God ordained it. It still tugs at my heart strings. I wonder how Mary dealt with her baby, her only child, growing and changing in front of her eyes? With each stage completed, for her, she was watching her son go one step closer to his destined pain, for our sake. I wonder how she so lovingly encouraged his growth? With each new step, one step closer to the cross. Each new word, one word closer to The Truth.

God, grant me the grace You gave Your Son’s mother. Grant me the grace to love and encourage, savor and enjoy my children. No matter the world they must confront when they grow up, help me to see that what’s most important right now is their mama’s love. Their mama’s kind words and patient heart.

You love me!!

love1 Received this award from The Mom

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

How about two?

Kid Juggler


Ok, ok, I give.

I’ve been tagged TWICE!

6 Things you might not know about me…

1. I never went to college.
2. I was a mom at nineteen
3. We have a prelit Christmas tree. We had to get it for my mental health. Every year I would wait until everyone went to bed and then strip the tree down refluff it and restring the lights and redecorate the whole thing. I would do this several times a season.
4. I used to cuss like a sailor. I would give lessons! I still slip every once in a while, when I’m really angry.
5. Before I met dh I was discerning what I thought to be a strong calling to the convent.
6. I am a list person. I write lists for everything. From shopping to packing to how to wash clothes.

Here are the rules:

Rule #1 ~ Link to the person that tagged you: Knitter and Kid Juggler

Rule #2 ~ Post the rules on your Blog: Here they are.
Rule #3 ~ Write 6 random things about yourself: above.
Rule #4 ~ Tag 6 people at the end of your post: Hmmmmmm

The Mom
As My Fingers Fly

That’s all I could come up with today girls!

we made it

It’s been a while. 

The surgery went quite well.  REALLY well.  My boy is doing wonderfully!  No more noise while breathing, and in two weeks he’s gained an entire pound!!!  His sleeping still hasn’t gotten to where it needs to be, but I’m hopeful that will come. 

It was terrifying to have the surgeon come into the waiting room after surgery with pictures.  They took before and after pics of his epiglottis (area above his larynx).  The before shot was quite disturbing.  On inspiration (breathing in) his airway would collapse to what looked (to at least my untrained eye) like no more than a pinhead size hole.  Now, his airway is wide open and we’re all very happy.

I thank God every day that he’s healthy and happy!!

Thank you for the prayers!